Slow my roll and stay in better spiritual condition!

​I know that my disease likes me tired.  9 times out of 10, it’s when I’m too tired, that A. my character defects make front and center appearances and/or B. I make poor choices that cost my abstinence or cause me to make amends. 
 
If not for my all important “Opening Ceremonies”, I couldn’t see my part in my resentments and frustrations.  I am so very grateful for my routines.  Love that I can be spontaneous too, with always making sure my recovery is protected first, and then go for it!  But my recovery is built on the things that worked yesterday.  Yesterday I began my day with 5 gratitude’s, a Food Plan, and a 10th Step Inventory.  Yesterday I stayed in conscious contact with a God of my own understanding.
 
I’ve been in long enough to see my character defenses coming in my day like a heat sinking missile.  When I’m not too tired, I am willing and able to ask my wonderful, amazing Higher Power for help.  It’s when I’m tired, that I’m just too worn down on my own self will run riot that I can’t seem to reach for that willingness to submit to my HP or even ask HP for the willingness. 
 
Because I have a sponsor, she can see the crazy.  She can say WTF?  Get to a meeting!  Or she can ask, can you write about it?  If I write about it, she knows as well as I do now, I can see my part, I can see the insanity, the lies, and more importantly, the truth.  I can prepare for the next time because life will continue happening as long as I keep breathing in and out.
 
I have made huge progress that I own my mistakes and I don’t beat myself up for days or stay stuck there.  I took time today to connect with my HP specifically on my character defects rearing their very ugly heads this last weekend.  What I heard in my spirit was to keep working on developing this relationship with a God of my own understanding so that I can trust more.  It’s a tall order always for me to put my adult kids in my HP’s hands.  But I am willing to try, just for today, to learn to trust a little more.  I am excited because I know I’ll see miracles, more miracles because of this program and this process.  I will do tomorrow, what I did today, because I know it worked!
 
I know when I’m spinning out in my character defects, that is a great time to reach out to other members and my sponsor, and I did do that. I did have to make amends, but I did not slip or stumble in my disease of compulsive eating.  I stayed abstinent and that is why I can write this today, grow and heal from this experience.  That is cool!  It’s key for me to stay in fit spiritual condition, every day, no matter what.  I can do that best when I’m not exhausted.  Hey thanks for reading my share you guys!  Love you!
 
Laurie A.
Gratefully in Recovery