I felt inspired to write about looking back after meeting with a wonderful sponsee today. I had a wonderful Alanon sponsor years ago in San Diego who used to remind me, You want to see progress? Just take a look back :)
When I was in the food, I didn't handle life too well. I wasn't too kind to my loved ones and even worse to strangers. I was always exhausted. Wrestling the whole world definitely wears a gal out. Especially when one works so hard in her profession and also to avoid relationships or pitching in to help anyone with anything. A lot of my life when I was in the food was spending my energy to get my way, to fix everyone else, you know so they would operate exactly how I needed them to. Because the whole world revolved around me and what I needed. What I needed the absolute most was to be alone so I could eat massive amounts of bad food.
But, lets focus on how I get to handle life now, because I've seen so much progress! And that in itself is so big! I get to practice acceptance when I can't have my own way. I get lots of practice to connect with my HP. I get to be helpful and useful! I used to dread sponsoring and now I love it. I get to give back. I get to witness so personally another's transformation! I get to be a part of another persons recovery journey - just itty bitty - but it's so amazing.
I get to be kind to strangers, and even the ones I don't like or agree with. I really love learning and making progress with being less selfish. All those promises in the Big Book, have come true for me. They are the reward for working my ass off for me, in my recovery. I am so willing even almost two years into my journey, to do whatever it takes today, to stay abstinent. Abstinence is the root of how I get to handle life differently. I love who I am today. I couldn't ever say that before when I was still destroying myself, and all of my relationships, with food. I like myself today and I make NO apologies for who I am today. I am completely imperfect! But I am honest, have compassion, pitch in, and I love. I love a lot. And it's not that false cheerfulness kind - it's passionate and it's big. As I'm typing this, I'm thinking the amount of energy I have now is actually fueled by the great love that I am able to receive now and that I have to give.
It's good to look back. It's when I can see progress so clearly. I am so grateful. I love OA. I love our fellowship. Thanks for reading.
Compulsive Overeater Gratefully in Recovery