For ALL Montana OA fellows - to submit a blog, simply email your writing to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dear Past Laurie, You survived a great deal. You did the best you could with what you had.
I am sorry that you had such a skewed idea of love. You used, along with over working, drugs, alcohol, and food; people, and they used you back.
I would have loved you to know how much more precious time with your kids and family was than working yourself to death. I'm grateful that at some point you did realize that the fear of being homeless or unable to provide for your children was a lie. I would have liked you to know your value as a mom, a sister, daughter, friend, and an employee, for who you were, not what you could or would do or give. It was exhausting turning yourself inside-out for your employer and others. You do eventually come to know how much of that effort and energy was not necessary.
Because you were not ever shown how to identify and process feelings, ever, you simply only knew how to react to life. Also, because your idea of love was so skewed, there was just no way to know how to love or care for yourself. You were however, familiar with self-hatred and often lived in morbid reflection.
At times dear Laurie, it must have felt like you had a multiple personality disorder. I remember how you had to be this person for work, this person at home, etc. Life was only exhausting. Exhaustion was familiar.
Dear Laurie life does get better, when you finally give up, hit your bottom, and become willing to go to any lengths, admit that you are powerless over people, places, things, and food. You then get to live a life beyond your wildest dreams.
Dear Present Laurie, Life is sooooooo good! Each day that you live well, you ARE well! The promises of the OA program are coming true for you, because you continue to work those 12 steps, and are willing to practice these principles in all your affairs.
Gratefully, you no longer use drugs, alcohol, food, or people. You have such beautiful, real, and honest relationships. This is truly the biggest blessing of working your program on a daily basis. It is these beautiful relationships that you want to continue having in life that are the main reason why you keep working a good program. It is pure joy and freedom to have lost the compulsion to over eat - but it is the love and the relationships that keep me in recovery.
It means the world to you to be able to carry the message and to be useful in your fellowship. You are learning much in doing service. Service is fun, challenging, and rewarding for you. The root of your recovery is abstinence, and you get to maintain that only with the help and the power of a power of my own understanding.
Just be careful dear Laurie. Don't be so busy being busy that you begin to slip and trip and fall away from the recovery and people that your life is built upon. Don't be so busy that you can't be present for your loved ones and fellows. Be careful to protect your time with your Higher Power. Be mindful always of your daily opening "ceremonies" - as they set the tone for your day. It works, as you know, if you work it.
Dear Future Laurie, I have hope that you will continue to grow your relationship with your Higher Power. I have this hope because of my experience; if I keep doing today, what I did yesterday, I'll get to go to sleep abstinent.
I believe you'll remain willing to go to any lengths for your recovery because you are so grateful to be able to accept, and to act upon life, rather than reacting to it. You truly like who you are becoming, I don't see that going backwards. Life is good, and you can't unknow what you've experienced the past 635 days.
The key my dear future Laurie, is to rely on the power you've painstakingly developed, who is so much great than you.
Gratefully in Recovery
Montana Overeaters Anonymous