Wrapping up 2020

windmill in field

I began to write about 2020 this morning, recapping blow by blow, all of the challenges, triumphs and tribulations.  B.O.R.I.N.G.
 
Let’s talk about the progress, people places and things that made an amazing difference.
 
Rigorous honesty played a huge role and still does.
 
Development of a Higher Power, a God of my own understanding was critical to my healing, my awareness, my learning how to handle life relying on a power greater than myself, and will always be key to my peace and serenity.
 
I surrendered day one in the program, and because I did and could, did 90 meetings in 90 days.  It gave me great momentum.  It gave me amazing relationships and opportunities to serve in OA. 
 
My HP hooked me up with a sponsor, so perfect for me and my journey, there are not words.  I am grateful for her experiences, strengths, and hope, her time and her beautiful ability to listen and make me feel like I am the only important thing to pay attention to in the world each time we visited. 
 
I found that ideas of service in OA come in quiet messages from my HP and because I’m abstinent, willing to go to any lengths, I took on some tough roles and grew in handling discomfort with a little more grace than I could ever imagine.  I did something absolutely mind blowing, with HP’s help and direction, built a much needed OA website for Montana.  I also found that service builds me up – makes me feel amazing – like I’m bouncing on pink clouds!  Whoopie!  I love feeling useful.
 
This year has had it’s triumphs, and it’s real hardships.  I heard something on the news today, and because of OA I can have hope that it could be a real thing.  We got some wounds this year, for sure.  But they will be healed in time.  And we, will be stronger than ever.
 
I’m reminded about  a recent challenge in an OA meeting about a disruptive member, who has gone beyond being disruptive actually and has caused real harm.  I was spinning out trying to figure out how I would save us all from this real bad actor.  All I could think of was my dear friends, and how he’s harmed them, the group, and how I needed to protect them from any further harm.  I made a reach out call, gratefully, as I was afraid to eat compulsively one night over it.  I was so very grateful my phone call was answered and my friend reminded me, it’s the group who will determine how to handle, not me.  I did eat compulsively that night, but it was a moment, and it didn’t continue for hours or days.
 
The next day I quieted my heart and mind, and sought to hear from my HP.  I am never disappointed.  I heard loud and clear:  I am powerless over people, places, and things.  I can share my suggestions with the group, and the group will decide which actions, if any to take.  HP will take care of all the rest.  And I felt peace.  Beyond my wildest dreams.  And I’ve been able to let this go ever since. 
 
That’s how recovery works for me.  I have a spiritual sickness, and compulsive eating is a symptom of that.  I also have a spiritual remedy, when I choose to seek picking up all of the many tools I utilize every day.  I had been doing so well for so long with not having any compulsive behaviors I had gotten out of the habit of picking up tools. 
 
Our fellowship is the best tool.  When I get a call from one of you, my heart sings and my soul smiles, as I know my HP sent you and speaks through you.  Thank you for being in my life.  Thank you for an amazing year.  Laurie M, gratefully, a compulsive overeater in recovery